Supposedly written by an Indian schoolboy with all original spellings intact: God Bless India!
The original inhabitants of ancient India were called Adidases, who lived in two cities called Hariappa and Mujhe-na-Daro.These cities had the best drain system in the world and so there was no brain drain from them. Ancient India was full of myths which have been handed down from son to father. A myth is a female moth. A collection of myths is called mythology, which means stories with female caricatures. One myth says that people in olden times worshipped monkeys because they were our incestors.
In olden times there were two big families in India. One was called the Pandava and the other was called the Karova. They fought amongst themselves in a battle called Mahabharat, after which India came to be known as Mera Bharat Mahan. In midevil times India was ruled by the Slave Dienasty. So named because they all died a nasty death. Then came the Tughlaqs who shifted their capital from Delhi because of its pollution.
They were followed by the Mowglis. The greatest Mowgli was Akbar because he extinguished himself on the battlefield of Panipat which is in Hurryana. But his son Jehangir was peace loving; he married one Hindu wife and kept 30 porcupines. Then came Shahajahan who had 14 sons. Family planning had not been invented at that time. He also built the Taj Mahal hotel for his wife who now sleeps there. The king sent all his sons away to distant parts of India because they started quarrelling. Dara Seiko was sent to UP, Shaikh Bhakhtiyar was sent to J & K, while Orangezip came to Bombay to fight Shivaji. However, after that they changed its name to Mumbai because Shivaji's sena did not like it. They also do not like New Delhi, so they are calling it DoorDarshan.
After the Mowglis came Vasco the Gama. He was an exploder who was circumcising India with a 100 foot clipper. Then came the British. They brought with them many inventions such as cricket, tramtarts and steamed railways. They were followed by the French who brought in French fries, pizzazz and laundry. But Robert Clive drove them out when he deafened Duplex who was out membered since the British had the queen on their side. Eventually, the British came to overrule India becaus there was too much diversity in our unity.
The British overruled India for a long period. They were great expotents and impotents. They started expoting salt from India and impoting cloth. This was not liked by Mahatma Gandhi who wanted to produce his own salt. This was called the Swedish moment. During this moment, many people burnt their lion cloths in the street and refused to wear anything else.The British became very angry at this and stopped the production of Indian testiles.
In 1920, Mahatma Gandhi was married to one wife. Soon after he became the father of the nation. In 1942 he started the Quiet India moment, so named because the British were quietly lootoing our country.
In 1947, India became free and its people became freely loving. This increased our population.
Its government became a limited mockery, which means people are allowed to take the law in their own hands with the help of the police.Our constipation is the best in the world because it says that no man can be hanged twice for the same crime. It also says you cannot be put in prison if you have not paid your taxis. Another important thing about our constipation is that it can be changed. This is not possible with the British constipation because it is not written on paper.
The Indian parlemint consists of two houses which are called lower and higher. This is because one Mr Honest Abe said that two houses divided against itself cannot withstand. So Pandit Nehru asked the British for freedom at midnight since the British were afraid of the dark. At midnight, on August 15, there was a tryst in parlemint in which many participated by wearing khaki and hosting the flag. Recently in India, there have been a large number of scams and a plaque, it can be dangerous because many people died of this plaque in Surat. Scams are all over India. One of these was in Bihar where holy cows were not given anything to eat by their elected leader. The other scam was in Bofor which is a small town in Switzerland. In this, a lot of Indian money was given to buy a gun which can shoot a coot.
Presently India has a coalishun government made up of many parties, left, right and centre. It has started to library the economy. This means that there is now no need for a licence as the economy will be driven by itself. India is also trying to become an Asian tiger because its own Tigers are being poached. Another important event this year was the Shark meeting at Malas Dive. At this place, shark leaders agreed to share their poverty, pollution and population.
Monday, 23 March 2009
Sunday, 22 February 2009
Cheap India calls
Friends,
If you need to call India from UK use Bestminutes @ 0.5p/min, includes calls to mobiles! Access no is 0844 200 3535.
Som
If you need to call India from UK use Bestminutes @ 0.5p/min, includes calls to mobiles! Access no is 0844 200 3535.
Som
Saturday, 21 February 2009
Welcome
Friends, I will be posting stuff about ourselves here intermittently, do check in once in a while.
I also realised that you can post in हिन्दी (देवनागरी script) here, that's cool.
Best Wishes
I also realised that you can post in हिन्दी (देवनागरी script) here, that's cool.
Best Wishes
Thursday, 19 February 2009
Jokes
After having failed his exam in "Logistics and Organization", a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.
Student, "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"
Professor, "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"
Student, "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an 'A' for the exam."
Professor, "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"
Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?"
Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an 'A', as agreed.
Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.
He immediately answers, "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an 'A', although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical
Two Irishmen, Murphy and Brian grew up in the same village together. They were friends all their lives, married a pair of sisters, and lived just down the street from one another. But now, Murphy had cancer, and was lying on his deathbed, surrounded by his friends.He calls, "Brian, come here Brian. I have a request for you."Brian walks to his friends bedside and kneels down."Brian, we`ve been friends all our lives, and now I`m dying here. I have one last request for you to do."Brian bursts into tears, "Anything Murphy, anything you wish. It`s done.""Well, under me bed is a box containing a bottle of the finest whiskey in all of Ireland. Bottled the year I was born it was. After I die, and they plant me in the ground, I want you to pour that fine whiskey over me grave so it might soak into me bones and I`ll be able to enjoy it for all eternity."Brian was overcome by the beauty and true Irish spirit of his friend`s request."It is a fine thing you ask of me, and I will pour the whiskey. But, might I strain it through me kidneys first
An Indian politician went to the US to visit his counterpart. When the senator invited him home for dinner, the minister was very impressed by the lavish mansion, grounds and the costly furnishings.He asked, "How can you afford all this on a meagre senator's salary?"The sentaor smiled knowingly and took him to the window."Can you see the river?""Yes""Can you see the bridge over it?""Of course", said the minister."10 percent", said the senator smugly.Some time later, he had occasion to pay a return visit. The Indian minister lavished all hospitality on him. When they came to his house,the American was stunned by the huge palace the minister had built, glittering with precious art, hundreds of servants etc etc."How can you possibly afford this, on a salary in Indian Rupees," he asked.The minister called him to the window."See the river over there?""Sure", cried the senator."Can you see the bridge over it?"The senator looked, was confused, peered closely and said, "No, I don't see any bridge.""100 percent", said the minister !!
Three dead bodies of Indian politicians turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The medical examiner calls the police to show them what has happened. A Detective Inspector is sent and is taken to the first body."He was a BJP leader, 65 years of age, died of heart failure whilst making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector," says the medical examiner. The Detective Inspector is taken to the second dead man."He was a minister from ruling Congress party, was 70, made a pile from government funds, and spent it all on whiskey. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.""Nothing unusual here", thinks the Inspector, and asks to be shown the last body."Ah," says the medical examiner. "This is the most unusual one. MP from Bihar, 60, struck by lightning.""Why is he smiling then?` inquires the Inspector.To which the medical officer replies, "He thought he was having his picture taken."
A Texan went up to the airline check-in counter and boomed, "Howdy, ma'am. My name's Brown, spelled B-R-O-W-N. Ah'm from Dallas, Texas. Ah'm 6-foot 3-inches tall. Ah'm white from th' top of mah head to th' tip of mah toes, and I hate the Irish."
Well, she didn't know what else to do, so she took his ticket and showed him onto the plane.
He sat down in his seat, and turned to the fellow next to him, "Howdy, suh. My name's Brown, spelled B-R-O-W-N. Ah'm from Dallas, Texas. Ah'm 6-foot 3-inches tall. Ah'm white from th' top of mah head to th' tip of mah toes, and I hate the Irish."
The little fellow turned to him, "Well now, how d'ye do. My name is Patrick Michael O'Donnell. I'm from Dublin, Ireland. I'm 5-foot 6- inches tall, and I'm white from the top o' me head to the tip o' me toes, except for my rectum, which is brown. Spelled B-R-O-W
Student, "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"
Professor, "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"
Student, "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an 'A' for the exam."
Professor, "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"
Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?"
Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an 'A', as agreed.
Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.
He immediately answers, "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an 'A', although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical
Two Irishmen, Murphy and Brian grew up in the same village together. They were friends all their lives, married a pair of sisters, and lived just down the street from one another. But now, Murphy had cancer, and was lying on his deathbed, surrounded by his friends.He calls, "Brian, come here Brian. I have a request for you."Brian walks to his friends bedside and kneels down."Brian, we`ve been friends all our lives, and now I`m dying here. I have one last request for you to do."Brian bursts into tears, "Anything Murphy, anything you wish. It`s done.""Well, under me bed is a box containing a bottle of the finest whiskey in all of Ireland. Bottled the year I was born it was. After I die, and they plant me in the ground, I want you to pour that fine whiskey over me grave so it might soak into me bones and I`ll be able to enjoy it for all eternity."Brian was overcome by the beauty and true Irish spirit of his friend`s request."It is a fine thing you ask of me, and I will pour the whiskey. But, might I strain it through me kidneys first
An Indian politician went to the US to visit his counterpart. When the senator invited him home for dinner, the minister was very impressed by the lavish mansion, grounds and the costly furnishings.He asked, "How can you afford all this on a meagre senator's salary?"The sentaor smiled knowingly and took him to the window."Can you see the river?""Yes""Can you see the bridge over it?""Of course", said the minister."10 percent", said the senator smugly.Some time later, he had occasion to pay a return visit. The Indian minister lavished all hospitality on him. When they came to his house,the American was stunned by the huge palace the minister had built, glittering with precious art, hundreds of servants etc etc."How can you possibly afford this, on a salary in Indian Rupees," he asked.The minister called him to the window."See the river over there?""Sure", cried the senator."Can you see the bridge over it?"The senator looked, was confused, peered closely and said, "No, I don't see any bridge.""100 percent", said the minister !!
Three dead bodies of Indian politicians turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The medical examiner calls the police to show them what has happened. A Detective Inspector is sent and is taken to the first body."He was a BJP leader, 65 years of age, died of heart failure whilst making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector," says the medical examiner. The Detective Inspector is taken to the second dead man."He was a minister from ruling Congress party, was 70, made a pile from government funds, and spent it all on whiskey. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.""Nothing unusual here", thinks the Inspector, and asks to be shown the last body."Ah," says the medical examiner. "This is the most unusual one. MP from Bihar, 60, struck by lightning.""Why is he smiling then?` inquires the Inspector.To which the medical officer replies, "He thought he was having his picture taken."
A Texan went up to the airline check-in counter and boomed, "Howdy, ma'am. My name's Brown, spelled B-R-O-W-N. Ah'm from Dallas, Texas. Ah'm 6-foot 3-inches tall. Ah'm white from th' top of mah head to th' tip of mah toes, and I hate the Irish."
Well, she didn't know what else to do, so she took his ticket and showed him onto the plane.
He sat down in his seat, and turned to the fellow next to him, "Howdy, suh. My name's Brown, spelled B-R-O-W-N. Ah'm from Dallas, Texas. Ah'm 6-foot 3-inches tall. Ah'm white from th' top of mah head to th' tip of mah toes, and I hate the Irish."
The little fellow turned to him, "Well now, how d'ye do. My name is Patrick Michael O'Donnell. I'm from Dublin, Ireland. I'm 5-foot 6- inches tall, and I'm white from the top o' me head to the tip o' me toes, except for my rectum, which is brown. Spelled B-R-O-W
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